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Is True love & Relationships Dead??

September 2, 2011

The Webmistress is back…well hopefully been so busy with life and Bills, Bills, Bills
just decided to take a moment and write up a short yet heart felt post about something that is troubling me deeply.

    Long lasting relationships

Do they even exist anymore??

It all makes me wonder i’ve written a few articles in the past about Love and Happiness one of which is Longest Married Couple Something that seems so magical and only happens *once in a life time* is a far cry from what im seeing in my person friends lives as well as these Celebrities.

Just take a moment and think of those people whom which you know personally, who can’t seem to make it work for nothing in the world. Perhaps its due to trying to make ends meet, school or just basic day to day struggles…now on the other side of things think about all the celebs who’s relationships are falling apart faster than they hooked up…keep in mind these are people who dont have the every day worries such as myself and those we know person whom struggle with basic day to day living expenses, school, gas money, food…ect

How is it that people who have damn near everything your hearts could desire, yet can’t even keep a relationship together, one one side you have those who are stressed with bills, bills, bills so that mos def would be a issue when it comes to being with somebody…how can you focus on them while your livelihood is crumbling around you?

Last night while thinking about a current lover, thinking so deeply on the matter my head started to throb, While pondering on what causes these relationships to fall apart no matter if its with the Rich & Famous or just your average Americans such me you and I…its the lack of time to be able to get to know each other…both sides fail to do that which is a disaster waiting to happen no matter who you are, background, financial standing, race, sex or age.

Communication between two people is what is missing from failed relationships, now throw in some greed, selfishness, lust, gold digger, playboy, hussie and what do you have??

    A Bad Romance

Personally from my own experiences it seemed as if I was the only who was trying to make it work, make it last, go the distance…my parters or boyfriends not so much, it seems that in general Men want what they want when they want it, causes a lot of ladies to become mean spirited, bitter and not so willing to deal with another person on that level…making it harder for the next person to get to know them…Funny thing is whenever you meet a Man (Ladies im sure you can agree) that they all say *their not HIM* however ironically they end up doing exactly what he did…making the Next gy just like all the others.

I am interested in hearing from Men & Women thoughts on this, this is not a bash post lets get some of the facts straight, form a line of communication between Men & Women, because without communication you aint got jack shit, straight up. Also seeking the comments, advice and tips from Men & Women of all ages who have been in long lasting relationships. Like it, comment, leave some feedback

wouldn’t it be great if more people had more healthy, long lasting relationships, without that how can one have children who will grown up and do the same??

    Food for thought
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6 Comments leave one →
  1. September 3, 2011 3:50 pm

    Whatever demons you’ve got with yourself going into a relationship, are bound to come up at some point, especially the closer you get to someone. It’s important to work on your own issues at all points, whether you’re in a relationship, or not. It’s just easier to work on them when you’re alone, because frankly you’re left with them without distraction if you will. However, Romantic Relationships do offer the “Opportunity” to work on them as well. As I mention in my Post Love Lost, Monogamy is a choice, and it takes constant work to maintain it, from both sides. Also, one of the most important things is Compatibility with someone. Don’t get me wrong, Love can be Amazing, and yes, even Magical. But unattended love generally will not stand the test of time. One of the other problems is, people often like things to be easy, whether it’s because the rest of their life is difficult at the time, or they’re just not up to being in a Romantic Relationship. And in some cases, people just don’t have the tools from their past to deal with certain depths of intimacy, which means work is needed to develop them. If you want a Romantic Relationship to work, than do the work. Those that say Love shouldn’t be work, that’s not exactly true. Love is an integral part of a Romantic Relationship, but these feelings of Love wont do the work for you. To Love someone may not take work, but a Romantic Relationship does. Touching back on the “Liking Things To Be Easy” mentality, in some cases people seem to feel it’s easier to just get involved with someone else, as opposed to facing their own demons, supporting their partner if they’re trying to confront their own demons, or basically putting in the work to maintain something deeper. For those of you out there waiting for Love to carry you through everything, I got bad news for you, it’s not likely to take.

    Keep in mind, I’m a serious Romantic, and very much an Optimist, but through time and experience I’ve also incorporated a bit of the Realist in there, in order to keep things Real, and in hopes of Waylaying any more Blind Siding Love Related Occurrences, lol.

    Final note, my Mom’s been married twice, and has been with her current Boyfriend for over 30 years, they have indeed set the standards high for us kids. I have two sister’s (One married for over 20 years, they have struggled, but are very much in love), one divorced (And struggling with love all the time), and my brother (Married over 13 years) whose struggled a whole bunch and whose relationship may not last much longer.

    Toss you’re expectations behind, look at what you want, what you already have, and how you can maintain it, or achieve it. Good Luck

    DarkJade-

  2. September 2, 2011 9:52 pm

    Question:
    Long lasting relationships
    Do they even exist anymore?

    Answer:
    Yes. My best friend and I have supassed 30 years of happiness together. What we attribute that to was being very selective in the first place. What most people call “love” is actually “lust” and that isn’t a foundation for a lasting relationship.

    Until there is a friendship foundation based on respect, trust, mutual attraction and affection, shared morals and ethics, shared interests and goals, then IMO what’s being experienced ain’t love. Granted, that you can decorate it with chocolates, perfume, and flowers and even with a marriage certificate but it’s just lust.

    Healthy happy relationships are based on freedom and complementarity rather than on need. Only incomplete and immature people think they need someone else to “complete” them. It takes time to assess whether or not the basic ingredients for a long term or lifetime exist. It takes time to develop intimacy that goes far deeper than sexuality. You know when it’s love, when you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. When they are away from you, you miss them, despite the fact you can live without them. When you can share everything with them, and when they don’t judge you when you share then you may have found a lifetime partner.

    Are you willing to stick it out all the way? Through the hard times? Through sickness, poverty, etc.? It is easy to say yes when things go well. But both people must be on the same page make a relationship last, even when you get on each others nerves. In successful relationships, couples accept change as an inevitable part of human life and support each other. They acknowledge that change can provide opportunities for growth and intimacy and that it can also be painful. It may mean adjusting to a new way of thinking or a new way of life. It may also mean letting go of things that have been familiar and safe. What it really means is tha deep commitment to remain together when things don’t go well.

    Love is not something you fall into to, it is something you grow into. And never forget that love is an action word. Look at things as they are, not as you wish them to be, and then make a decision.

    • September 15, 2011 7:18 pm

      I feel as if the people who are together that long apparently have been for some times, but *these days* as of lately people have simply started not thinking about the future with their partners. Times have changed and unfortunately the reasons why people are getting together has too, if one is to select their mate on trivial things such as money, sex appeal, sex and all other things that dont really matter then its doomed to end before it begins.

      for example: Guys who persue a woman not for the fact she is smart, funny, caring and kind, but for what gets him *hot* about thats not gibg to last at all…beauty fades, then alot of women do it too dating men for money or other materialistic means (smh) I would love to see both men & women get back to the things that matter about being together, because like you said its just lust if the reason is not about truel devotion, caring, honesty, selflessness and the hearts desire to be with somebody for all the right reasons

  3. Coleen permalink
    September 2, 2011 5:16 pm

    I think that the root problem is the impossible height of expectations going into a relationship. People expect to find a soul mate with whom they will never fight or have serious problems, and that the tingly happy puppy love feelings will last their whole lives together.

    I don’t believe that monogamy works for everyone, nor that it has throughout history.

    • September 8, 2011 10:30 am

      Totally agree, there will always be some type of issues between any pairing of people no matter if its friendship, relationship even other than love, such as business, room mates…ect
      Seems as of lately alot of people have become selfish and self centered, thinking its all about *Them* will get them no where fast expect being shown the door.

      relationships do not work for everybody, some people have to just have there playtime, no mastter what the situation is one should only seek wht their putting into it, never get the lines crossed or send the otehr person mixed messages, which happens all to much these days as well.

  4. henfre permalink
    September 2, 2011 12:03 pm

    As with any complex issue, I’m not sure that men are entirely to blame here. I think it’s more of someone starting a conflict or a bad relationship that messes up both a man’s and a woman’s opinions and views of the other side. We don’t even need to have a relationship firsthand to solidify harmful views of men and women. Seeing these dysfunctional relationships stains our own if we are not careful.

    I feel that relationships struggle because of a lack of forgiveness and willingness to let go of past impressions and start our relationships fresh. If we can’t give our view of our partners and relationships a fair, clean start, why should we expect the same in return? This behavior follows a general trend of judgment and jumping to conclusions about our partners that reveals a kind of behavioral insult that they pick up on.

    Anyway, that’s just how I feel.

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